I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
