I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
