A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so let's talk penis.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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