My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
