I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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