you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
then he tried to convert me to islam
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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