So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
