Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
