U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
