I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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