hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The uberlube is also flammable
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
