Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
