I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
