girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
