Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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