and you said cock pushups were impossible
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
