i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
