textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
