he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
