It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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