I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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