Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
