1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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