She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
