a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize