Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
