You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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