I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
