At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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