Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
