if i can run in heels then i can drive
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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