as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
