I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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