Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
