So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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