I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
