Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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