When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
