Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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