if you like me you must not know who I am
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She bit a glass in half.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
