Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
