Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
