I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
