Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
