i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
