we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
