Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
