Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We left the knife in your bed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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