I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
