I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Buhtt sex?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
