Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
