Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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