glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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