Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
