she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How does one acquire holy water?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
