IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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