Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
