Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
