not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
