Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
