it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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