isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
