I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
