and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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