I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize