walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
whose parrot is this?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
