just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize