she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i believe in u and ur pee
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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