What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
