i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
