Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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