You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
