Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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