i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize