Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
