Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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