i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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