Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
