Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your penis caused this!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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