im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
