At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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