the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
